| Wednesday, January 09, 2008 |
| It's been a while: A preface to more. |
So, oddly enough blogger will post this at the bottom of what will follow, but it is a preface nonetheless. It has been a while. I have played this game with blogging for years: a flurry of posts followed by long silence until I feel either guilty enough, nostalgic enough, or have just stored up too much to write about that I can no longer contain it. Why am I back this time? I'm not sure. I know what the trigger is, but the underlying cause is uncertain. The trigger was most certainly a slew of friends just recently posting more and the ensuing guilt. Jenn, after long silence has filled books, and the breaking point was Tyler, who procrastinates almost as much if not more than I do, finally posting an update. I think it comes to the fact that there was so much going on, so much changing that as I wrote things in my journal and planned to type them up here for whomever was bored enough to read, that by the time I got around to posting, what I hoped to express had changed or no longer was.
It has been a roller coaster of a half a year. Many who know me, know that I talk of just taking off someday. Few know that early in the fall I actually tried. I get restless and feel trapped when in bad situations that I cannot change. I was driving home from work at 5am and just kept driving past my street. I wasn't sure where I was going, I just knew that it wasn't what I had come to call 'home.' I was deep in situations and problems that were bigger than me. In the end it was the picture in my head of sad faces my cat gives me when I'm leaving that made me turn around, and nothing else. There were dark times like those, where I spent nights crying and frustrated on my couch or in the shower. Times I didn't know where money was coming from. Didn't know how I was going to pay my bills, or where I was going to get energy to make it through one more day of uber super overtime and two jobs. I even got pulled over in Essex for erratic driving because I was crying so hard behind the wheel.
There were good times too. Times in the summer of sitting on rocks with people I love and staring off into the St. Lawrence River, where nothing seems too much to handle or too overwhelming to solve. Fun times at Renaissance festivals, or celebrating the wedding of friends. The mind blowing night along the Ipswich River, while watching an otter play, when my best friend became more. The many beautiful things he has given me that made many of the Poems I planned on posting obsolete.
It's not that I wasn't writing. I was writing. I just never brought myself far enough to share, because, I wasn't so sure I understood what was true and what was just smoke. So, here follow some thoughts and poems and other such things that I've been meaning to post for a long time now. Some obsolete, some still true. It's the verbal struggle journey from dark places to light. A rediscovering of myself, God, why I'm here, what I'm doing, and what it all means. Not that I've found the answer, but at least pieces of it. |
posted by ~KL~ @ 4:21 PM  |
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| About Me |
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Name: ~KL~
Home: Ipswich, MA, United States
About Me: 1 Corinthians 1:26 - 2:5 "Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eleoquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive owrds, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."
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"To know and to serve God, of course, is why we're here, a clear truth, that, like the nose on your face, is near at hand and easily discernible but can make you dizzy if you try to focus on it hard. But a little faith will see you through. What else will do except faith in such a cynical, corrupt time? When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word. What is the last word, then? Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith rules through ordinary things: through cooking and small talk, through storytelling, making love, fishing, tending animals and sweet corn and flowers, through sports, music and books, raising kids - all the places where the gravy soaks in and grace shines through." -Garrison Keillor |
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